Love is thinking about others before you think about yourself
Love is selfless not selfish. Love is when you lay down your life for another
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast
It is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs
You see love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, it always perseveres
Love never fails. Love is everlasting
Its eternal, it goes on and on, it goes beyond time
Love is the only thing that will last when you die
But ask the question why? Do you have love?
~Lyrics From 'LOVE' by Pas.Jaeson Mah (You can find the song in my playlist at your right side)
Every time i finish hearing this song, I keep asking myself... do i really have Love? Do i have patient?
I knew I love my family,my friends,my dog.... And I answer myself 'yes'...
but sometimes i doesn't have patient or Kind or being selfless... And now, am I still can call myself as a man who have Love? I've no idea....
After i heard a phone call from someone to my family member(Although i can only hear my Family member voice), i found the answer for many struggling things in my life that i can't solve... Now the anger deep inside my heart burst out and filled my mind with temper... I realized the reason why i can't merge with them... not only our thinking are different but also the way they treat my family and i can't stand it...
I can't stand it when my family and friend being used by others... Although they didn't really care about it.... but I do care about it... They are my family, the nearest relationship in my life... They are my friend, maybe my only friend in the world...
I tried my best to change myself into a person that can merge with them just because a stupid mistake that i made before that... just a few month after i made the wrong decision, there was no way for me to turn back, not because i don't want just because i doesn't chance...
Now i realized there is no reason for me to change myself to merge them... They can do anything or go anywhere they really want by themselves but thing that other peoples organize, they want ppl to fetch them or help them to do their part, if not they dun want to go. When they need help, they will ask other people to join them in order to get help. When trouble comes, they find us to solve... When the Fun time come, they keep it down no to let others know... Privacy? I dunno... i don't bother that when they treat me like this, but i do care when they treat to my family and friend...
I think for the whole day and i now i had mad my decision... I can be independent, i can walk all the way to my future by myself with my family. I'll Stand up and protect my family and those friend that being treat by others like them.. haizz.... This already showed i doesn't have Love, I'm selfish, Easily anger, self-seeking, unkind and impatient...
I heard the spirit of god keep telling me not to be that... with this verse "
Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" Said Jesus as recorded in Matthew 5:44
Should I continue to change myself to merge them? should I?
Should I continue my plan with the 'Love' way?
Should I continue to live in a way that i like the most?
What should I do?
If you don't know what i'm writing, just forget about it... I doesn't expect you to know... I post here to express my own feeling to myself.... sry for any inconvenience...
4 comments:
i actually have a similar case like yours.
you want to be selfless but sometimes you cant because people take advantage of your love ones.
in my case, i dont want to be jealous of some people because they treat me well, but i somehow will be jealous.
because we humans are imperfect.
I agree that humans are imperfect... but someone think that a pastor's son must be different and must be prefect...
although they didn't verbally express it... but i can see it by their expression...haizz...
Life is like this... a learning process for everyone... have a lot of choices need to make without knowing the consequences...
well, at least i dont think like what some ppl think. dont burden yourself with how ppl think. present yourself in front of others in your best form. we need not be perfect. we have flaws. we sin. that's why we need God to guide us. right? :)
i agree what you say... but protect my family is my first priority... if i'm not good, my Parent will be the one who get the attack first,
anyway, not everyone will have the same thinking as you...
When i'm bad, people will think that my father is a pastor and i'm not a good bot bcoz my dad didn't taught me well...
Somehow, people can't understand a PK's life.. i mean Pastor's Kid(PK)... They are normal human, but people think that they must be abnormal and perfect human compare with others...
Thats how the pressure come from...
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